Wtf am I thinking?
My grandpa is in the hospital near death.
My parents, who I haven't seen in nearly a year, are on their way up here right now.
I screwed myself out of hours this week at work because they accidently scheduled me nights. Instead of accepting and going in anyways, I got myself out of it and had to take an extra day off (today) because of it. Why? Raiding. Granted I am lucky enough to not _need_ money, it's still a damn nice luxury.
How fucking stupid am I? Why the hell does this fucking game even matter sometimes? Why do I let stupid ass people criticize how I play it to the point that I stress over it?
This has to stop... lol. I mean seriously, who am I kidding? It's cool as hell to have all this epic gear and shit... but I'm 21. Not 16. I love the game, but putting it over ANYTHING else in my life is just retarded. It should be a luxury... a hobby, even if it's a passionate one. It should never be more important than family, work... my real life.
Here I am stressing about how I'll probably miss a lot of raiding next week because of the family shit.. but why? Why the fuck do the people I'm guilded with matter that much? Sure I have some awesome friendships with a select few, but do they even really matter? If I died tomorrow, would they even care? Lol.
I don't matter to the guild anyways, overall. My dps is less than amazing some nights (mostly due to a pos Verizon DSL connection that I have to tolerate paying for) and honestly, some people there make jokes enough about girls not being able to play WoW that I believe they are just that ignorant. So wtf am I doing? Sure, end-game content and raiding is incredible... that's why I put up with the shit, I guess. But yeah... I need to re-think my life a little. Too much WoW.. too much of my brain being devoted to WoW, and I just can't do it anymore. Not like this.
I just want to enjoy WoW being a -part- of my life again... I don't want to live and breath the fucking stupid ass broken game anymore. There's no point. Especially when I currently play and raid with a large number or elitest assholes that really aren't that good in the end. We're what... top 100 in the US-Alliance? So what? Some of the guild members act like we're fucking doing World Firsts. It's pretty damned retarded and I honestly don't think I can be a part of it much longer. Not to this measure.
Besides... I'm loving 2v2 with Blaw. :D
So, alas... I'm finally admitting that I may just play a little too much. And it's not even the amount of time I put into WoW... it's how much I let it affect me even when I am not playing it. I guess it's just easier to focus on a video game than it is to admit that my real life has a lot of bullshit in it. I attempt to ignore and avoid family issues... but I shouldn't. It's easier, but anymore I've started wondering if it really is. WoW is fun... or should be. How did I ever forget that?
I miss PK.
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7 comments:
/waits for incoming Jago text wall.
Come back to Horde! All the guilds are falling apart... they need a good leader like you. Prom Kings imo!
Or, take Jade, and Blawle, and bolt from the server with me and we'll find a new home to raid in a good guild on, but one that doesn't require us to put our lives on hold!
Do it!!!
:) thanks cheesy.
i dont think i could put the time into leading a guild again, but i wouldnt mind finding a good guild to be a part of.
seriously, i dont understand why the guild raids 6 nights a week, 6 hours a night. it's so... we waste way too much time,lol. i mean... there are guilds that raid 4 nights a week, 4-5 hours a night and get all of what we've done and more accomplished every week. just doesnt make any sense.
/wave
I feel ya on that. I find myself putting off homework, not spending enough time with my kid, even occationally skipping classes to play rather than take care of real life. It's inane, and I'm not entirely sure why.
Probably, like you, escapism. I can escape into a virtual world, where the only thing I need to do to be successful is follow someone else's tried and true strategy, as opposed to needing to find my own way in life. In the game, I can measure my success by my shiny purples and whether or not we downed a new boss this week. In life? There's no clear measure on success, and it's scarier.
I'm not sure what the solution is, but I feel ya. ;)
Christinelia
When I started trying to schedule things like school and work availability around my ability to raid, I began to seriously question my priorities.
It just got to the point where I'd stop doing things with people in order to raid. I blew off friends and family because I felt obligated to be online.
Sometimes I'd call out of closing shifts for work just so I could make a raid.
I've been struggling with quitting and cutting back on this game for awhile now. Quitting raiding was probably one of the best steps in that direction I've taken.
My playtime has been down drastically. When I raided, I could easily play 50 hours a week.
50 hours.
This is more time per week I would spend playing WoW than most people would spend at a full time job.
Now I would say I've recently been playing more around the time frame of 15-20 hours a week. That is absolutely huge for me.
It really comes down to what you feel is worth it. Plenty of people feel like spending 50-60 hours online a week is a fair trade off for getting tier 6.
Sometimes, I look at people in they're tier 6 gear and they're black temple guilds and start to feel a bit jealous.
Then I realize that the amount of time they took to commit to getting where they are simply isn't worth it TO ME.
Who cares if you're decked out in the best epics in the game? You're still wasting 50 hours a week of your life in front of a computer. On top of the time investment, you have to deal with all the wonderful pleasures of being in a hardcore raiding guild as well.
Sometimes I feel like going back into raiding again. Raiding CAN be fun. Getting gear is great. But then I remember the stress and drama that came with raiding, and just don't think it's worth it anymore.
raiding is fun to me... and that's why i want to keep raiding.
progression is always cool.
what it's come down to for me... is that raiding and progressing isnt really that much fun with the people im around and the amount of time i devote to it.
so yeah, ary... i know how you feel. <3
Don't be bogged down by opinionated people. I mean in every walk of life, you will find people who will always criticize you for whatever you do, since after all criticism is so much easier than praise. Bottomline you should know is this, are you putting in your 100% in what you are doing right now ( i.e raiding ). If so, you really are not answerable. To make derogatory comments is always very easy, and comes naturally to most people, however people do not realize that raiding is still the cohesion of 25 people, and all 25 people cannot be as perfect as the most perfect person in the raid. Rather what makes raiding more fun is the fact that you can have 25 people of different skill levels and still clear content.
Trust me, you are old enough to choose to ingnore comments! You are definitely a great lock, however not the best! At the same time, I am sure there are multiple people in different classes who are not the best in the same raid too. Who cares! You are 1 short of clearing content, and you have definitely contributed a great deal in doing so! If every person was the best at whatever they could do, then this world would be full of Einsteins and Lance Armstrongs. You can definitely have more fun by phasing out the critical people, and focussing on your job in every raid. If you feel your damage blows, just try to figure out what you could do better to improve it. Constructive criticism helps, however not the "You suck" kind of comments.
IMO, am sure you are doing fine, hang in there, and have fun with your friends, ignore people who have nothing to offer but negativity. GL in killing Illidan.
-A well wisher :).
thanks to whoever you are ;)
In all honesty, I had a really shitty morning yesterday and it just put me in the mood to write the blog as I did.
Looking back now, I usually don't let people get to me - the worst part about this guild is that they rarely say names to whoever they are bitching about. They make comments like 'Some of our ranged dps play worse than I could on my alt' ...and it's like... could you please just offer x people criticism so that they can improve and move on... instead of this immature bullshit retard QQ. lol.
It's not even comments made to me that piss me off. It's the general treatment that goes on with most of the members that is allowed to go on day in and day out. Just gets really annoying. It'd be easier if people would just actually say what they thought instead of the constant bitching. Lol.
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